Why is it when I ask my 13 year old son certain questions, he looks at me like I am a zombie Cyclops with that one eye smack dab in the middle of my forehead that he can’t stop staring at? I honestly don’t believe I ask my child anything different/complicated/over the top/ridiculous more than any other parent. Here are my top 10 questions for my 13 pushing 25 year old and his responses.
- Did you brush your teeth?
Response: Of course Mom
My Thoughts on his Response: (He is smiling and looking away, so I know he is LYING)
My Thoughts on his Response: (He is smiling and looking away, so I know he is LYING)
Why does he not understand the concept of taking care of his teeth? And why would he want to walk around all day with that odor permeating from his mouth?
- Can you feed the animals? (2 dogs, 2 cats and a Beta fish)
Response: In a minute Mom. They won’t starve if I finish my game first.
My Thoughts on his Response: Um….No they won’t starve but if you got up and did it right now it would save me coming in there and kicking you ass!
- Are you trying to make me crazy?
Response: Yes.
My Thoughts on his Response: Well I guess I don’t have a clever come back for that answer. At least he was honest with me on that one.
- Why can you not put your dirty dishes in the dishwasher?
Response: Because it was already full of clean dishes.
My Thoughts on his Response: Um…that would mean you would FIRST have to unload clean dishes from dishwasher and then place dirty dishes within the contraption. Ugh!
- Can you clean or at least Febreeze your room?
Response: It doesn’t smell in here Mom and quite frankly I know where everything is.
My Thoughts on his Response: Not only does it smell like a locker room with everyone having funky feet and nasty armpits but I could write my name in the dust on his TV to send him a memo.
- Can you please, please take a shower tonight?
Response: Oh come on Mom, I took one last week. Plus I went in the pool a couple times and chlorine kills everything. Don’t you know that?
My Thoughts on his Response: My child just infected the neighbor’s pool with his funk. And what ever happened to using SOAP dear child of mine???
- Aren’t you going to eat dinner?
Response: Nah, I had 6 bowls of cereal and a couple Pop Tarts before you got home. I am not really hungry now.
My Thoughts on his Response: That the second I clean up dinner, do dishes, put them away and sit down with my wine, he will want something to eat which doesn’t involve HIM doing anything.
- I understand the need to smell good but why so much cologne babe? I could smell you 6 blocks away.
Response: I didn’t use that much, Mom. God why do you have to always say stuff no matter what I do?
My Thoughts on his Response: If only Febreeze worked like his Axe cologne.
- You haven’t been out of your room all day. I think you should put down the video games and come out here and spend some time with me. Don’t you?
Response: Negative, Mom. I told you that I may want to design video games when I graduate college. All this game playing is mere preparation to what could be a very promising career.
My Thoughts to his Response: This kid surely knows how to blow smoke up my ass doesn’t he? Video Game Design? Since when? Oh God, where is that bottle of wine I opened?
- Why is it that you want to drive me crazy?
Response: Because it’s fun.
My Thoughts on his Response: Again, honest and I am far too tired to argue.
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