Be Kind, Not Green Eyed.

As women, I think it is our responsibility to uplift other women; to empower and encourage each other. I think it’s our obligation to share in each other’s triumphs, each other successes, no matter how big or small. I think it’s our job as women, our duty as sisters in this life to at least lead with a smile or a heartfelt “way to go girl”. Trust me, it won’t kill you to be happy for someone else.  I think women who cannot offer their praise or support to one another are petty, selfish individuals that have truly lost their moral compass.

This is not to say that if my girlfriend told me she won an all-expense paid trip to Hawaii and chose not to bring me, I wouldn’t be jealous. Of course I would be! But would I truly and genuinely be happy for the luck that had befallen her? Absofreakinlutely. Jealousy is part of our everyday lives. It is normal and it is okay to have pangs of the green eyed monster. The type of jealously I am referring to is the deliberate kind. The mean girl kind. Like when you hear of something wonderful happening to someone else or their children and you simply ignore it because that something wonderful didn’t happen to you. To pretend you don’t hear the news or in a more modern twist, to purposely NOT “like” it on Facebook because you can’t stand the thought of something happy or wonderful happening to someone other than you, is petty and quite frankly, outrageous.

I am thrilled to hear of your triumphs, no matter how big or small. My happiness for you is the same whether it’s a lucrative job promotion or because you got a new area rug for your living room. I am happy for your child if they win the 3^rd place ribbon in the 4^th grade spelling bee or if they will be attending Harvard in the fall. Do you know why I am able to be happy for you? Because it literally takes no energy or strength for me to share in those triumphs with you. Whatever makes you happy, forges you ahead in this cynical, negative world or puts a smile on your face is a triumph and a journey I wish to take with you. It is certainly not something I wish to take away from you or worse yet, make you feel bad about it by not recognizing it or celebrating it with you. To do this is simply cruel and completely unnecessary. When someone does this to a child, it becomes especially virulent.

Feeling genuinely happy for you, takes nothing away from me. Feeling happy for your child and their successes, no matter how big or small has nothing to do with how wonderful my child is or how great his successes may be or by what gauge I measure those successes. Your opinion does not define me or my child but I will tell you that your lack of support and happiness for me or the things I hold dear, says a lot about the kind of person you truly are and the world in which you are bound to. That’s not the world I will ever live in, not even for one second.

 We are all mystical creatures with different talents, skills and character traits. The same is to be said for our children. They are unique, one of a kind, exquisite individuals in their own right. They are complex, eager and amazing people that we help to shape by our own experiences and knowledge. They will grow differently. They will learn differently. They will excel in some things and falter in others. So what does that mean in the grand scheme of things?? Nothing. Because your child is a better Science student than mine, does it mean you are a better parent? No, it just means that they are a better Science student. Because my child is a better basketball player than yours, does that mean he will be more successful later in life? No, of course not. It simply means they are different and with every fiber of their being they are trying to carve out a little notch for themselves that separates them from everyone else. So when my child excels at something, anything, show your love and support for him just as I do for your child. Because when you ignore him, what you are really saying is HE does not matter, HIS successes don’t matter. And to me this is the epitome of selfishness because you can’t rein in your adult emotions long enough to offer a “congratulations” or a “way to go kid” because the wonderful happened to him and not to your child.

But don’t worry, someday soon, something wonderful WILL again happen to your child. They will do something amazing and you will be so incredibly proud and happy and you will want to shout it from the rooftops and rightfully so. And you know what? So will I. Because that is the kind of person I am. I hope when you look back on whatever incredible moment you end up sharing with your child, you think of me. I hope you think of the countless times I led the brigade for your child and how you failed so many times to do the same for mine. I hope one day you will see what you’ve done and you can somehow reconcile that in your own mind. But in the meantime, I will choose the high road each and every time because my peace of mind means more to me than the satisfaction my words would bring to a deaf ear. So, I shall hold my head high and carry on and I will always, always choose kind over green eyed.

 

NOW...about that trip to Hawaii... I can be ready in 30 minutes!